Will Porter (will_porter) wrote,
Will Porter

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Sometimes I scare myself

I'm strangely attracted to Elisabeth Hasselbeck from the View. For those of you who don't know who she is, she's the lone conservative voice on a panel of five women. This show is really kind of annoying on most days because they're constantly talking over on another and most of the time they gang up on Elisabeth, but it's like a train wreck. I can't look away. I consider the annoying bits akin to being stuck in traffic when there's been an accident. You eventually know there'll be a pay off where you might get to see blood or a body. Yes, I'm morbid and strange on occasion, I admit. Anyway, back to my secret TV girlfriend. The sad thing is that she's a younger, perkier version of Talia. My ex wife was intolerant and shrill and when she got started on politics, she turned into the most vile person to be around. Yet Elisabeth is a little easier to take because she has this pouty little mouth that just makes me want to get her alone for seven minutes in a storage closet. I feel ridiculous and slightly dirty admitting this, not only because I'm a married gay man who loves and adores his husband more than words can say, but because I should find her absolutely vile. I think I have a secret need to be punished or degraded. Talia spent twelve years doing it to me.

I'm being facetious about all of this, by the way. I did, however, have a dream that Elisabeth Hasselbeck was cracking my back by walking on it. Of course, it made me think of Talia and the nightmare she is. I'm fairly sure the terms 'nightmare' and 'ex-wife' are redundant. I don't know, maybe that's why I dreamt about Elisabeth. Because I was thinking the other day that she's a shrew just like my bitch ex-wife but she'd look better in a low cut blouse.
Tags: musings 09, orlando 09, talia 09
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