You don't mess with the Zohan. Or so I hear. I haven't seen this movie because two hours of Adam Sandler is more than anyone over the age of 12 can take.
Okay, here's my real list:
-Never take the last piece of pizza unless you're sure no one else wants it. Greedy bastards are not sexy.
-If you use the last of the toilet paper, put a new roll on the holder. This is something women usually complain about, but it really bugs me when I'm sitting there and I'm stranded by the lack of Charmin.
-When a loved one is napping, ignore the urge to place assorted items on them so when they wake up they get a fright. (Shy, it wasn't as funny as you thought.)
-You don't bite the hand that feeds you. Wendell, I'm looking at you, little man. I know you were trying to impress B, but it's annoying.
-Being in love does mean having to say you're sorry, but you have to mean it. This is a serious one. If you fight, make up and mean it when you say you're sorry for whatever you did.
-Make up your mind before you reach the front of the line at Starbucks.
-Keep your word.
-Do not be a dick.
-Do not lie unless it's to spare someone's feelings.
-Remember the people who were there for you when no one else was.
-Never take yourself too seriously.
That last one is really important.