Will Porter (will_porter) wrote,
Will Porter
will_porter

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Why did I try?

Why do I try to do the right thing?

Remember how I said I was going to try and mend fences with Talia? I really intended to do that. I sent her an email that pretty much laid out all the regret I'd been feeling for hurting her and apologizing to her for what happened between us. I meant every word. As insane as this sounds, I miss things about her. The reason I started seeing her was because we used to talk about all sorts of crap and had fun together. I know that the reason she turned into such a bitch during our marriage was because I was never there for her emotionally. Not the way I should have been. What I should have done was have the balls to tell her I'd help support the kid but that I didn't want to get married so young. No, instead I married her, resented her, then felt sorry for myself when she became so cold. The fact that she faked the pregnancy had nothing to do with how I treated her in the very beginning, so I can't even use that as an excuse. Yes, it was always in the back of my mind, but honestly, I could have insisted she go with me to the doctor so I could see her take a pregnancy test and find out the truth once and for all. But I didn't do that. I jumped at the chance to get married and get Dad off my back because I was too much of a pussy to tell him that his son was gay and he'd just have to learn to live with it. Talia lied because she wanted to hold onto me. Not the best way to start a marriage. But I lied, too. Not about loving her. I did. The problem is that I loved her the way I love Sandy or Kate. We should have stayed friends and I screwed up by pretending I wanted something else. I told her all of this. I really, really wanted her to know that I got it and wanted to make amends. Anyway, her response after I bared my soul to her?

Go fuck yourself, Porter.

I didn't expect her to want to be my best friend, but I at least expected her to rant at me about what a moron I was to try and fix things after all this time. That would be more her style. This just shocked the hell out of me. And in all the years we were married, she never called me by my last name like that. She'd call me William. I'm just so annoyed right now. I'm mad at myself for being stupid enough to think she'd want to hear from me. Well, no problem. I'm going to leave her alone now.
Tags: talia 09
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