Will Porter (will_porter) wrote,
Will Porter
will_porter

Parent meme and some thoughts

The following meme is being borrowed from Snake, but it's not like other question memes I've filled out. It's about my parents and their relationship when I was growing up. I talk about my dad sometimes, but I don't think I've ever really discussed details about their marriage. Lord, this feels like some stupid disclaimer or something, but as much as I hate my father, I love him, too, and I wanted his approval and to make him proud of me or, at the very least, like who I was. I know it's why I didn't come out until after he'd died. I didn't want him to be ashamed of me for being gay. I feel horrible saying that. What I also can't reconcile is loving someone who treated my mother so badly. I don't even care about what he did to me, but he was so horrible to her. But she loved him, too. Or I thought she did. We don't talk about that much.

Anyway, enough babbling because I'm just starting to confuse myself and feel bad about what a dick I am.


1. What are/were your parents’ names?
Tobias Alan Porter and Catherine Mary Inez Porter nee Wilson.

2. Where are/were they from?
They're both from Hartford, Connecticut.

3. How did they meet?
Mom said it was at her church when her father invited him to Mass.

4. How long were they together before you came along?
They got married when Mom was 21 and already pregnant with me. I think Mom said they met when she was 20.

5. Were you an accident?
Yes. Dad loved to remind me that he'd have a better marriage if not for me. I took Mom's attention away from him. I never knew for sure, but I think the reason he never wanted to stay with Evie and Tobias Jr.'s mother was because he couldn't be bothered to raise kids. And Grampa Lou (mom's dad) pretty much forced Dad to marry Mom when she found out she was pregnant with me.

6. What did you love most about them growing up?
I loved the way Mom supported and loved me through everything. Dad was an asshole but he taught me how to drive.

7. Did/do your parents fight a lot?
Yes. It was usually because of me, either something I'd done or something Dad thought I'd done.

8. Or did/do they have sex a lot?
They did. It wasn't always consensual.

9. What is the worst argument you ever overheard them having?
I can't choose one. They were all pretty horrific to me when I was a kid. Dad would start on me about something, Mom would jump in to defend me and then Dad would drag her into the bedroom and I'd cover my ears to shut it out. When I got older and wouldn't let him take her into their room, he'd leave the house with her. I shouldn't have answered this one.

10. Were/are they affectionate?
They actually were. Dad could be the most charming son of a bitch when he wanted to be, and Mom fell for it every time.

11. What is your favorite memory of them?
One Christmas Eve, I think I was seven or eight, I snuck downstairs when I heard some laughing to see if there was a powwow involving a certain red-suited man and my folks. I saw Dad holding onto Mom and kissing her under the mistletoe (like that famed song, only Dad wasn't in a Santa suit). They looked so happy and so in love, I didn't even care that they were fooling around when they should have been putting out the welcome mat for Santa.

12. Scenario: You walk into the house and find your parents getting busy on the dining room table. What do you do? What do you think they would do?
Turn right back around, hope they didn't see me come in and pretend that I hadn't seen a thing. If Dad caught me, he'd laugh and ask if I learned anything and Mom would be mortified.

13. Were/are your parents hip or lame?
Lame. Mom tried to keep up with the latest things but she never really had much chance to. Dad just couldn't be bothered to try and be hip because he didn't see any point in it.

14. Did/do they ever embarrass you in front of others?
Dad made a sport out of cutting me down in front of people. It wasn't sweet or playful. It was meant to hurt and it did.

15. Which parent wears/wore the pants in the relationship?
Dad, definitely.

16. Have you ever seen one of them crying?
Mom used to cry all the time. I only saw her happy on a regular basis after Dad died.

17. Did/do you ever wish they would get divorced?
All the time.

18. Were/are they the type to spontaneously dance around the kitchen together or sit quietly in the living room ignoring each other?
Sit quietly. There were the few occasions when Dad would be sweet and spontaneous, but for the most part, they were quiet and boring. I think Mom stayed quiet for fear of getting Dad angry.

19. Do you think your parents made you or ruined you?
I don't think I'm ruined. If my life wasn't as good as it is and I was a sorry mess living alone and miserable, then I'd say that Dad ruined me. But I think Mom made me the man I am today, and I'm not too bad, if I say so myself.
Tags: dad 09, meme 09, mom 09, musings 09
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